Yesterday was one hell of a day.
I woke up feeling very off and a bit down in the dumps. It wasn't for any particular reason either. This threw me off because since I've been trying to take better care of myself through exercise, meditation, reading, etc., my mood has definitely been lifted up a bit. I decided that the best way to counteract the shite mood I was in was to do something nice for others, so on my way into the office, I picked up a dozen fresh bagels, and an assortment of spreads.
Once I got into the office, I sent out an email letting everyone know I was treating them today, and enjoy, etc. I was feeling pretty good. That is until I saw the droves of employees going into the kitchen, and then walking by my desk, shoving bagels in their face and not even glancing my way. No, I did not buy them to get some sort of "Linda Is Awesome" party, but I guess I was a bit flabbergasted that not a single person even said 'thank you'. It's pretty widely known that I'm one of the lowest paid employees here, yet I'm the only one who ever does stuff like that - buying food/treats for the staff out of my own wallet. Maybe I'm tooting my own horn too much. Maybe not. However, not even getting a 'thank you' put my mood right back to where it was when I woke up.
The workday kind of went to shit from there. It was one of those days where I couldn't start a project without "Linda! I need this!", or "Linda, stop that and start this". Just really got to me for some reason. At EXACTLY 5pm, I bolted out of the door, and headed to the gym.
I hadn't been on a treadmill in a few weeks, so I had to stop after only 25 minutes on it. Still, I felt better. Some of the stress melted away. I picked up sandwiches for Timm and I and went home.
I had barely unwrapped my sandwich when I got a notification from a girlfriend. Remember how I mentioned that I was beyond excited to see John Cameron Mitchell (the very first Hedwig) reprise his role in "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" on Broadway? Well, our show was next week. WAS. He hurt his foot, and I found out they were bringing in an understudy just on the week I was set to see him. This was literally the straw that broke the camel's back. I was hysterically sobbing. Not just for the show's loss. Not just for my possible financial loss (because that ticket is the single most expensive entertainment ticket I've ever purchased). I was sobbing because I'd had enough of yesterday.
Once I controlled myself, I realized that I was lame for letting all of those things add up to put me in that state. With a vengence, I called Telecharge, had my ticket refunded, and had a new ticket issued to me for a different performance. I'm losing money on the bus tickets, but I'm chalking that up at a loss. On a GREAT note, I was able to get a ticket for the very weekend I'm going to be in NYC anyway for IMATS! So no extra hotels or bus tickets have to be ordered. Plus, the weather in NYC will be far more pleasant in April than it would have been next week in late February. (Weather forecast is currently 19-degrees with wind. Oof.)
Sorry for all of the rambling. Truthfully, I am doing far better than I was. I've noticed that my anxiety level has dropped DRAMATICALLY, and I just feel a bit more...I don't know. Maybe "enlightened" is the word? I'm determined to try a bunch of different exercise formats - yoga, barre, etc. - and see what sticks. There's a pole with my name on it at Xpose tonight, and I'm already looking forward to that.
Forgive the mental mind-dump. ;)