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die Lindenbilder

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Times [Aug. 12th, 2014|08:54 am]
die Lindenbilder
Times like these, I REALLY miss what LJ used to be. I could talk about my happy times, and people would be happy for me. More importantly, I could vent when I was upset, and there would be a shoulder to lean on, advice would be given, and people would just BE THERE.

With Facebook, it's just so different. I post a picture of Timm in a monkey suit: 88 likes. I talk about conditioning my hair: 21 likes. I talk about being very upset that I wasn't offered a speaking role in the play I auditioned for...and people run away or accuse me of being negative. I just don't get it. I don't.

I can't lie - the past few weeks have been ROUGH. After months of emailing back and forth with my dream tattoo artist in NYC, I finally was given a chance to set up an appointment, with one month's notice. Since I had to decide FAST, I felt rushed and agonized over whether or not to set it up. I had to decide NOW. I put down a deposit, and my date is Sept. 6th. Since I've put down the deposit, I've been in a whirlwind of anxiety. Those of you who've known me for years might remember what happened when I got the outline on my arm. I was in a downward spiral for a long time, thinking "Oh god, what have I done?" Over the years, I've come to LOVE the tattoo, and always talked about getting it colored in. So why now that I have an appointment am I freaking out? I'm talking freaking out to the point of "I might cancel my appointment and forfeit my chance of getting tattooed by this artist". I'm giving myself til tomorrow to decide.

The hard part of it all is that (understandably, I guess) Timm has NO CLUE what to do with me right now. If I'm upset, anxious, torn...he just sits there. I don't know what I expect him to do. Maybe I want him to hold me. To tell me everything will be ok. I don't know. I just want SOMETHING. Anything.

I know this is a down point and that tomorrow will be a better day. Right now, though, I'm just IN IT. In a bad way.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: searchingbuddha
2014-08-12 07:58 pm (UTC)
Hope you come to peace with it, whatever you decide. I don't like rushed decisions either.
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[User Picture]From: cruxgothgirlie
2014-08-12 11:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you, hon. Yeah, I think the rushed part is what's getting me. I take time (usually too much time) to make decisions, so forced to make a life decision NOW OMG NOW is nerve-wracking.
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From: schmooo
2014-08-12 10:30 pm (UTC)
FB is definitely not a place to count on for deep emotional support. No matter how great your friends are on there, it's just not a good forum for that. Especially if you're looking for Likes, you have to step back and ask what you're really looking for and which other channels are better for that.

It's frustrating that Timm isn't being more supportive, but he should know that he needs to be, because it's important to you and he's your life partner. He may just need some guidance or a refresher course, but it's a serious enough situation to sit him down and tell him what you think.

Ya get what ya give, you know?

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[User Picture]From: cruxgothgirlie
2014-08-12 11:34 pm (UTC)
Oh, it's not so much that I wanted people to "like" that I was sad. I guess I was just hoping for some superficial "It'll all be ok" statements. Something to kind of push me through.
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